I am a control freak!!!!

(I really hope my husband doesn't read this confession.)

But it is true. I like things organised, preferably in labelled boxes. Therefore, I am ALWAYS organising and finding new ways of organising something I already organised before. 

Of course, after years and years of therapy, I understand that my need to organise everything is actually a need to control everything.

I won't get into the 'whys' for my control need, but basically, if I can control, I know the outcome, there's no surprise.

And... Of course, any human being knows that control doesn't exist. No matter how much we predict, plan, and try to control, we are never really sure of what might happen. We can try our best to have the desired outcome, but we can never control it.

And... Of course, this controlling behaviour translates into my pieces. No matter how much I control them, they rarely end up exactly how I first imagined them.

There are times when I have great surprises, and they actually look better than I first thought, and there are times when I just end up very frustrated because 'this bit was not supposed to be like this'. 

Letting this go and accepting what might happen is a daily exercise - which, by the way, I haven't mastered yet.

But this topic is always on my mind, so... of course, when I first read Charles Bukowski's quote, 'Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead,' it really stuck with me how beautifully and accurately he translated this need/feeling into words.

Yeahhh, it might be really horrible to never go crazy! Don't you think?

I do, and when it comes to my creation process, one of my first steps to 'go crazy' is my Uncontrolled series.

A series of rings were brought to life with minimal interference from me. Colours, shapes, patterns... all uncontrolled.

And I was pretty surprised by the results.

I don't know how much of this uncontrolled experience I will apply to my pieces from now on, but it is a first step — a step that makes me reflect on the unpredictable beauty of creativity. 

And you? How uncontrolled can you be?

X

Joana